Child:  “When can we play on the swings?”

Mother: “After you eat your lunch.”

Child:  “Can I have a cracker?”

Mother: “You need to eat your rice and peas and avocado first.”

These are the kinds of exchanges I heard when I had a “lunch date” picnic in the park with my daughter and granddaughters last week. My daughter had prepared a healthy lunch and the girls were hungry, but they were also very interested in the playground equipment situated nearby. They dutifully chewed and swallowed the food their mother had brought along as they gazed longingly at the swing sets and slides. It was clear they weren’t all that excited about the healthy menu their mother had prepared, but they knew they would not be allowed off the picnic blanket until most of their lunch had been consumed. My daughter probably thought of her requirements as essential to good nutrition for her children. I recognized them as much, much more.

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Read more: The Importance of Waiting

This past Sunday we celebrated Mother’s Day. On Mother’s Day, moms generally get lots of praise and appreciation. Their dedication, caregiving and nurturing are celebrated as we recall the many hours they have sacrificed for their children. This is the one day of the year they can count on getting what may be called a “good rap.” The rest of the year, as much as they’re lauded on Mother’s Day, they can take a lot of blame for all the faults, failures and idiosyncrasies of their offspring. Even when children become parents themselves, they sometimes have difficulty in letting their mothers off the hook. As a psychologist and family therapist, I’ve heard a lot of “mother blaming."

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Read more: Mothers are People Too

The fifth in a series on living life with joy, contentment and meaning in the face of challenges and disappointment.

My mother was the faithful letter writer in the family, but my father focused on writing poetry and prose for special occasions. Last week I thumbed through a collection of his writings and found funny poems about fishing and dogs, romantic poems for Valentine’s Day and wedding anniversaries, and faith-filled poems expressing my father’s conviction. I also found speeches, letters and essays of a more serious nature. One, in particular, stood out to me in relation to the topic of carrying one’s sack of rocks (i.e., troubles, burdens, disappointments and frustrations) with grace and dignity. It was entitled, “The Four ‘Ts’ of Stewardship.”

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Read more: Rocks as Resources

The fourth in a series on living life with joy, contentment and meaning in the face of challenges and disappointment.

Okay, so let’s review. Three weeks ago I talked about the fact that eventually, most people encounter difficulties, frustrations and disappointments that challenge their ability to “keep on keeping on.” These dissatisfactions and drawbacks can range from an unsatisfactory marriage to job loss, chronic health concerns, ongoing financial concerns, and/or a troublesome teen. Really, there is no end to the things that may cause us to feel unhappy. My father described these distresses as a “sack of rocks” we all carry with us. The amazing thing is that some people appear to manage their sack of rocks much better than others, living lives with joy and satisfaction or contentment. Others do not. The focus of this fourth lesson from the “Rock Pile series” is to add to our understanding of how happy people manage their “sack of rocks.” The crucial elements of the last three weeks include the following:

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Read more: Lessons from the Rock Pile: Pick up Rocks Together

The third in a series on living life with joy, contentment and meaning in the face of challenges and disappointment.
 

Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere
On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five;
Hardly a man is now alive
Who remembers that famous day and year.

Paul Revere’s Ride by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

This past week the 18th of April came along, just as it does every year. For most, this day is three days after tax day. For a few, it commemorates the “Midnight Ride of Paul Revere.” My sister, brother and I are some of the few because our father committed huge portions of poetry to memory and recited them from time to time as prompted by various people, occasions and events. In particular, we recall hearing the recitation of Paul Revere’s Ride nearly every year at breakfast on April 18th. Apparently he considered this a perfect occasion to educate his offspring on a little American history and the work of Mr. Longfellow. He enjoyed finding a good poem and learning it well enough to share from memory. It also seemed to make him happy.

 

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Read more: Lessons from the Rock Pile: What Are You Thinking About?