So How Do I Know It's a Problem?

Last week I talked about how easy it is to overlook, dismiss and rationalize questionable behavior on the part of one's spouse. I also suggested a new or broader definition of love that goes beyond passion and romance, specifically that "love means committing one's self to the well-being of another even when it is difficult or disappointing."  Once again, though, I'd like to be clear. Loving does not mean ignoring. Love requires admitting a problem exists and preparing to take meaningful action regarding that behavior. This week I'd like to be a bit more specific about various warning signs or red flags that can signal a problem behavior.

Read more: For Better or Worse - Part 2

Although she didn’t want to admit it, Kelly had come to the place where she could no longer deny Mark had a serious problem that was devastating their marriage. After examining the computer browser history, she was forced to acknowledge her husband wasn’t accidentally stumbling onto internet pornography. He was deliberately visiting X-rated sites on a regular basis.

Read more: For Better or Worse

In the fourth and final installment of this series, we’ll examine two things we might learn from the rangers in our national parks and how they apply to relationships: 1) Avoid attracting predators; and 2) Some parts of the trail (or journey) are more dangerous than others.

“Fatal Bear Attack in Yellowstone is the Second this Summer” – L.A. Times, August 29, 2011

“John Wallace, Yellowstone Bear Attack Victim, called Himself a ‘Grizzly Expert’”

Bears may look cute and cuddly in the zoo, on television or in the form of a stuffed animal, but those who deny their untamed nature when hiking in the wild do so at their own peril.  Bears—black, brown, or grizzly—are wild animals and can be extremely dangerous, even deadly, if not treated with respect. Unfortunately, because the closest encounter most Americans have had with one of these hefty mammals is in the form of a teddy bear they snuggled with at night as a child, most tend to drastically underestimate the harm these magnificent creatures may do to humans.

Read more: It Goes Without Saying - Part 4 - Relationship Predators

The last two weeks we have marveled at the beauties of our national parks while also reflecting on the dangers lurking there for people who think they are immune to harm regardless of their behavior. We have seen how some folks overestimate their personal resources, while others underestimate the challenges and risks of the trail. We have noted how some people form the opinion that no matter what kind of danger they put themselves in, someone will come to rescue them. Finally, we have observed that the same kinds of notions that put hikers at risk on the trail, can also put people in harm’s way when it comes to relationships. This week we’ll focus on what we can learn from park rangers to help us form and enjoy the kind of connection most people long for.

Read more: It Goes Without Saying ... or Maybe it Doesn't - Part 3

Last week I began this series writing about the inclination of some folks to put themselves in harm’s way, even when the possibility of serious injury, or even death, appears to be quite real. The cautious among us may never understand this risk-taking behavior, but perhaps it is worthwhile to consider why even more careful people ignore, overlook or dismiss warning signs of potentially dangerous or, at best, ill-advised relationships. Let’s consider four possibilities.

Read more: It Goes Without Saying ... Or Maybe it Doesn't - Part 2